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Not going to rant this time just gonna talk about something that happened this weekend. As I was wandering around slightly into my cups I bumped into a group of females. Well it seems a few of them knew me and a friend of mine but one of them had nothing nice to say about my friend. Seems he spent the whole day with her talking and having a good time romancing her and stuff but it seems that when the moment of truth came around he was done and gone in a few minuets. So, she sat there ripping apart how guys can do this and get away with it or what ever by looks alone. My thing was to say well not every guy is like me and wants to get in there and make sure the female enjoys herself first. This set the whole group off because I said I like foreplay. Nibbling nuzzling and other things done just so my partner has a good time and at the very least two orgasms before I even start to think about myself. And all I got was a round of yea what ever in the slightly tipsy mood I was in I said you want me to prove it? And it was like I had kicked a baby or something didn't help my self image but then In vino veritas kicked in and and I stood there looking at this group of females looking down their noses at me. And it hit me like a flash did I really want to give these people my time? Knowing if I even made one misstep I would be on their list of guys to complain about. Not this old man I have better things to do with my time so I bowed and turned and walked away only to end up spending a good sized chunk of my time that night with a cute little lady who was more in my wavelength. And she needed the griffins shoulders to and ears. So, hour upon hour was spent talking to her about random things when that group walked past again still harping over the performance of my friend. Took a lot of self control not to yell well if it was so bad why can't you get over it? And the little one sitting there hit the nail on the head pointing out with what these females look like to land some one like my friend was probably the best they ever had and hated the fact it was over so soon. And the wine kicked in and I said it might have just been the whole attitude that they are putting out. He treated them well all day but once he got them in bed figured out that the the book matched it's cover and wasn't worth the read. It dawned on me that I had hit on them and gotten turned down may have been the best thing to happen to me. I am better than that the little lady with me said I sure was (made me blush a little) but made my night so after a lot of talking and star gazing I figured it was bed time staggered over to get my chair and was still to drunk to get it back to my tent. I lucked out and a nice couple helped me back to camp where the rest of my crew had a great time laughing and teasing me because I was still so drunk I was fun laughing not able to put words together in the right order. So a couple bottles of water and I went into my tent curled up in my furs and passed out. (no hang over in the morning) but a with a clear head I walked over to get a little food and ended up talking about the night before with friends. And they basically told me the same thing I figured out I was worth a lot better than these females and boom like a bolt I turned around and said I quit no more hunting for me no more chasing get into my work outs loose the rest hit my goal and watch them come out of the woodwork. It's like I used to say you don’t want me as a tug boat you don't get me as a speed boat. Judge by my cover when I shift it you'll never get to read the book. So I needed to get this off my chest and get on with my life peace out every body I am heading into my room to grab a few hours of sleep.
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jacked up my knee.

OK it's last Sunday Easter sitting here goofing off on the computer when I hear a loud grunge sound. I get up and head outside to see a silver car back up from the fence across the street. Looked like he had hit the lady across from us and was backing up well as I leaned out to see what was going on this jerk took off at high speeds and hit the trailer we had parked next to the curb. Sending it up and over the curb into the drive way. OK the rage was on and I hit the ground yelling at him to stop. No good he took off around the corner. Well a lady up the road from us jumped in her truck and gave chase came back a little while later with his license number. Seems he had stopped half way up the street. Well a few other people showed up as the bear was on the phone to the police. When the lady who's fence that guy hit first said hey is that him up the road? I turned and sure enough this guy was parking just up the street. The race was on not having run in years it was nice to know when pushed I could pick it up a little. Got up there in time to see this ass rushing from his house and about to get into a van and drive away. With his lady and kid standing there wondering what was going on. OK rage ready to go boom I was just about to rush over and yank this ass from that van when the police showed up and took over. I started talking to the cops and so did the others that had rushed up there with me. I was basically told to go down where the mess happened so I did. Limping now and trying to put a lid on the rage after hearing that guy say to the cops it wasn't his fault his breaks went out. Well I stood down there ranting the rage slowly coming to a boil when bear said to calm down I was more pissed off than he was. So I did as one of the officers came down took photos and marked the trial this guy left behind with glow in the dark looking spray paint. And after a lot of hoopla they took the guys car and him away. I have no idea what happened we went over and bear talked to the law and was told the guy was under arrest and under the influence of something we'll find out more later I guess. So it's been six days and my knee is still really killing me I guess my running days are way behind me until I drop a few more pounds.
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Well some one stomped on a nerve so here goes another rant. OK, what is art? I guess it's something pleasing to the eye or brings feelings when you see or hear it. To me art is taking a blank page and bringing a mental image to the page. You spend hours of your life putting your heart and soul onto a canvas or a not book page. What blows my mind is some of the stuff that they call art. I have seen a guy use a shot gun to shoot paint on a canvas is it art? I guess some one liked it so there ya go. I look at stuff like that red paint splashed on a canvas with green spots here and there and call it anguish and some one paid thousands of dollars for it because some one else said it was a master piece. To me an artist is someone like Terrie Smith, Dark Natasha, Frank Frazetta or Boris Vallejo. These people draw or paint and can cause a person to see what they did and have emotions based on it. I have seen artist that have inspired me. Made me want to get better at what I do. But, I draw mainly to please myself. I have a dream and I put it on paper and share it. Some like my art some don't I guess that's what it means to be an artist you create just to do it. You have a muse that haunts you and drives your mind to move your hand and bring life to a blank page. I never got abstract art I tried but I don't get it. Then you have what happened to me in Colorado I was told I was not a great artist because I wasn’t gay enough. DA hell man so because I don't flit around like a butterfly I’m not an artist? Rich mutants that wouldn't know art if it bit them on the leg piss me off when they tell me my stuff is not good because no one knows me. Then again you have artist that look down on other artist because they don't like the image they make. i guess my main thing is what is art? i guess it's all in the eyes of the beholder and if i can't see it doesn't mean some one else can't.

safe calls

Good morning world the griffin here once more. Woke this morning after spending a few hours dreaming some wild things.

Something from my past had me thinking when I was sitting on the edge of my bed remembering the issue that had popped up so long ago. OK, if you don't know years ago I was heavy into the b.d.s.m. Lifestyle. Had a few submissives under my wings so to speak. A few on line this story is about one of the on line ones.

Well there were also a few I was watching over a guardian. With these it was my job to watch over guide and help out. When I guy wanted to take one of these as his submissive I would set up a trial time basic let him court her for a few weeks to make sure every thing was safe and not just some guy looking to get off and abuse her.

Well I had one lady I will call angel for now. Well angel had been under the wings for a while looking for the right guy a few tries failed. So, she went out and found this new guy. Thing is he refused to follow the rules and court her. He wanted her right away but, I said no we have rules you follow them or go away. Seems she listen to him behind my back not like I could watch her all the time so she started talking to this dude. I ever find that crack head I’ll go to jail that night.

She had never even met the guy face to face but was smitten by his words. I warned her to be careful. My words fell on deaf ears. OK angel vanished for a week or so when she finally returned it was on line only where she told me what happened. Seems she had made up her mind to go meet this guy in person. I asked did you follow the rules to meeting people from the internet. Rule one make the meeting public with lots of people around. Rule two and this one I can't stress enough. A safe call you get info on the person a drivers license or the license number on their car. Something about this person that can be tracked. Then call some one you have made a deal with if you vanish they have the info and can tell the law the last person that was around.

So, I asked what happened she said that she should have listened to me. What happened? She told me she went to the restaurant public place. I said good what happened next? She said what walked in was a guy way older than she was lead to believe. Seems this old dude lied on line omg. OK sorry about that. Anyway I said did you make the safe call? She said no, I shook my head. And asked her what happened next she said she was pissed off that he had lied. She was there to meet a guy a few years older than herself not a guy old enough to be her grand father.

What happened next? I asked and she told me. He begged and pleaded saying he knew a old fart like him would never have a chance with a fine lady like her. Still shaking my head I asked her if she had let him sweet talk her into staying. She was silent for a bit then responded with yes.

I asked what happened she told me she let him talk her into having lunch with him at least. I said OK and? She said lunch went fine until she got up and went to the bathroom I said you didn't leave your food unwatched did you? My creep senses started tingling. She said yes she had gone to talk to a friend. I said good a safe call? She said no she just told them he was an old guy and she would be him in a bit.

Now this is where I slapped my forehead she came back to the table and instead of just walking away getting in her car and leaving she sat back down and finished her meal. I mean I could see this coming she finished and soon as she did she started feeling sick.

I said oh man she told me she went to the manager and told him something in the food had made her sick and asked where the nearest hospital was. Now I said you should have had them call some one for you. She said she was sure she could drive the few blocks it would take to get there. My fore head was sore by this time. I said what happened next? She told me that she got to her car but got dizzy so dizzy she couldn't think straight and to the rescue comes grandpa He offered to drive her to the hospital. She said OK and that's where the story darkens.

So, she wakes to find her self bound to a bed this old fart had doped her drink. And now comes the week of horror for her. This old asshole took her over and over in ever way he could the only time she was let off the bed was to go to the bathroom and he would stand and watch her. She broke down at this time and said she lost track of time she'd been raped so often she was scared he would knock her up thank goodness it seems he was shooting blanks.

Anyway she told me this went on for a week or so, before he slipped up and left her along in the bathroom when the tea kettle whistled I guess he thought she was broken and wouldn't try to run. Big mistake that she dove from the window and started running down the hill where she found herself in a small town naked she ran to the police station and told them what had happened. The cops rushed up only to find the house empty.

Old dude had bolted bad part was he had all her info. I said what do you mean she told me he had her I.D. Her credit cards even her social security card info. This guy had the info to find her and her 9 yr old daughter. So, she came online only to say goodbye to me and a few others she was going of the grid and would not have any contact with her former life at all. I was at a loss for words but told her if she ever needed some back up look me up. Never heard from her again I just hope that ass never found her again and had died of old age by now.

I guess this whole thing was to get it off my chest and to spread the word if your going to meet some one from online no mater what photos the shared or how sweet their words seem. Be warned and remember angel. Make a safe call to some one you trust. You never know when this simple thing could save you from a really bad situation. OK I’m done I hope she is alright and happy out there.

here we go again

ok a little venting needed. i have a friend some one i liked for years even shared the bed once we have been close since we worked together. now she went off and met some dude from another country. i have no issues with that if the dude made her happy i was good with it. well he didn't he treated her like crap on his shoe. so for years i would hear the horror stories of what he did and was doing how soon as he got his green card he dumped her until he found out that he had to stay with her a certain time before the green card let him stay in the states. anyway, home boy leaves her she files for divorce and starts i thought trying to get her life back on track. now i lose contact with her but the next thing i hear is she has met some dude from cypress. on line no less never met the boy in person but i just got a message she is in love with this guy half her age and is planing to go over there and meet him marry him and bring him back to the u.s.a. my mind is warped partly wondering if she wants a guy so bad why not hook up with the one who has been the emotional flood gate? instead of some random online in another country she'll have to go through all that bullshit again to get him here and in hopes he'll treat her right. i am like Pontius Pilate i am going to get a tub and wash my hands in front of the crowd. and say I am innocent of this woman's blood; see to that yourselves. she sits wondering why all her friends and family are set against this and i wonder why i care? yeah we were friend even lovers once and i have watched her get trashed over and over with nothing i can do i think there comes a time when it's like a lame horse walk over and shoot it in the head end the suffering. so that is what i am going to do end this tired of the hassles. so blocking and losing info i will not be the teddy bear for this one she's on her own just hope this dude treats her right is all i can do. oh well back to the grind peace.

what is art

ok time for a short rant. now this really hit a nerve and then danced on it. ok, now while i am not the worlds greatest artist i do think of myself as one. i have things i like and things i don't like. i mean seeing a guy get paid 2.5 million dollars for a big canvas that he had four nude females rub themselves against while parts of them were painted blue that blows my mind. is it art?? some one must have thought so to pay that kind of cash for it. now the thing that set my teeth on edge was simple. i know i spend hours on an image. putting my heart and soul on the page or canvas. but today i ran into some one who was all bent out of shape because a site where i post my art deleted images he posted. i was like well what was it? he said he had taken a photo of his maleness and then photo shopped a meme on the tip. i just sat here jaw on the floor lost at what to say to him slowly i tried to find the words to tell him what i wanted to say. no im sorry how is that art? and who is going to want to see it? i'm sorry i know i don't want to flip through a bunch of images that people have spent hours of their lives making pen and ink paints flowing even stuff that is drawn on a computer. i mean to take a photo of your dick and then take an image you found on the net and putting the two together... that is not art in my personal Opinion. anyone can do that where's the skills? where's the love of creation? you did that to mess with people you may as well gone out and tagged your name on a bus. not saying i have not seen some fantastic art painted on the side of a buss or train. i'm just saying it's the same and spray painting you name. take no skill and to get upset that other people don't like it so you run around bad mouthing them because they don't get your idea. i mean some would say i am doing the same thing right now but, i mean come on you go to a site that is aimed at a certain type of art. let's say for Example, furaffinity that is a site mainly for furry art. most people who go there are looking for furry art. i am sure if all you do is cartoon human super heroes, while you may have some who look at your images most are there for furries. furry super heroes would get more views. but you go to a site like that and post an image of your penis with a cartoon meme on the head your trying to troll and i don't blame them for removing the image. just like that other site did. not sure where this is going just needed to vent that some nut job who got bent out of shape because an image that offended got removed. and he had the nerve to compare that thing to stuff that has been done by people who spend hours working on something. talking a blank piece of paper or canvas a pencil and a pen. using their mind and hands to make something come out of the nothing. i mean what the hell man you want to impress me and make me take your side in this issue them put your dick away and learn to draw or even take some photos that people are going to want to see. i mean you want to show off your maleness get a job at a art school as a model. that will work tons of people will see your dick and make art out of it. maybe, i might be wrong here i don't know. but, i am who i am and i have spent years learning my trade. school, tons of books, talking to better artist learning from them. watching the world, getting lost in the simplest things a butterfly drinking from the water in the gutter. a spiders web full of grass after a good wind storm. i just don't see a penis with a meme on the tip as a art i see it as trolling. and that is what you were doing sorry your feeling got hurt but, if i was in charge of that site i would have done the same thing. people go to that site looking for art for images that inspire things. and i am sure they didn't want to see your junk. i just makes my head hurt to listen to this guy rant about how his art was taken down because it offended. well duh of course it did and you knew it was going to. that whole meme face thing it's about trolling. you mad bro and the fffuuuu thing all basically for trolling and your just upset you didn't get too. ok enough i have waisted to much of my time on this peace out people.

i miss ya bud

was sitting here this morning remembering a friend. you know the friends who touch your life and change you for the better? well bud hussy was one of those for me. a good man and a fun person to hand out with. friend for ages and i never knew him deep down until a while ago. i was at an s.c.a. event well into my cups meaning i was really close to being shit faced. i was so drunk i had just hit on a former queen and great fighter named black Acelynn. seems my volume control was set to high and when i said i would love to get my nose in there she turned and confronted me. after blushing so loud it could be heard i turn to leave and run into a group of ladies. i smile and bow when one of them says "hi Marcus."

now i knew i was drunk and thought oh man she knows my name did i sleep with her or something and forgotten her face? i stagger over and stand there looking at her. something is sparking in my hazed mind i lean in trying not to stagger or sway to much and get my eyes to focus right. she is giggling at me now then something clicked and with out asking i reached out and grabbed her face, i turned her head sideways and that's when i figured it out she had not had her nose done. so there i am looking at a buddy of many years. in what i was sure was drag. until in my drunken state i looked down and saw a pair of perfect boobs looking me in the face.

i looked and then started poking them thinking stuffed or something. you know there is nothing that will sober you up faster than poking a guy in the tits and learning they are real. i threw my hands up and i know my eyes were the size of dinner plates. she is laughing now as i stood there going huh wha?? so she took my hand and lead me back towards camp and told me her story and how she was trapped in a mans body all those years. i was surprised but not freaked out unlike some others who shunned her for her choice. i was thinking what's the big deal mentally she was still my buddy. but now i could hit on her and get away with it. see she had no idea i was gay and into males. i used to hide that back then, most of my old friend who would have issues with it still don't know. guess they read my journal they'll learn. anyway she leads me off to my camp and just as we got there something clicked in my mind and i guess she saw the lust fire up in my eyes and she smiled and turned me down. saying i was to drunk to be a good partner i tried to talk her into it for a bit then she talked me down and helped me into my tent where soon as i hit the pillow it was morning.

now i didn't see her again that weekend but we had hooked up over the phone and stuff like that. she told me about the body mods and how they were working. even told me about her first wet dream it was awesome. well a few months later we were at another event called the great western war. now this event was fun until the storm moved in and it started raining. some one demanded i get into armor and fight and i was like you must be kidding it's pouring out i want to stay in my tent and relax. so, after a while i suited up and walked out grumbling about how i must be crazy to be out here in this mess. now i have my helms visor up to keep the rain out of my eyes. well i am standing there when i hear my name being called. you know when something sounds when it's moving towards you? i hear maaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrcuuuusssssssss!!! i turned eyes wide again and there she was in mid air in full armor.

she glomphed me in a tackle and took my off my feet armor clashing loud thumps then a sloppy sound of the mud as i landed on my back her on my chest and the two of us sliding in the mud. it was so gross, there i am on my back in the mud with this crazy female on top of me. i have to admit i couldn't stop laughing and she was tickling and wiggling on my lap not a good thing. i had my cup on and it was getting a little snug and her sitting on it didn't help. well after she helped me up and i felt the mud starts glopping off my back she tells me she had been roasting a goat and i was invited to share some with her. well i forgot about the fighting for a while and we walked and talked about the changes and stuff like that when i got hit on. so her plan was dinner with her and desert. worked for me and so i rushed back to camp to get my muddy armor and tabard off and get ready for dinner. when the people i had come with demanded i pack up we were leaving. i complained and raged about it i didn't want to leave. but, the female in charge said it was time to leave the storm was going to get worse and we would be stuck in the floods that were coming. i was pissed i didn't even get a chance to run across the site to tell her i had to leave. part that pissed me off the most was no sooner had we crossed the town the so called storm of the year blew over. i was really pissed off turns out the female in charge had heard my plans to sleep with another and she wanted none of that. grrr well life went on and i lost contact with bud over the years. i moved out to colorado and lived for a few years dealt with things up there have fun and stuff when i came back to california i was in better shape and after living at that hight i found i had more energy in the lowlands so i had a plan i was going to start training and jump into the ring and fight for crown. i mean i knew i might not even get close to winning but it would be fun.

now to fight for the crown in the s.c.a. there are a few things i would have needed the main thing was a consort. a.k.a. a partner to sit at my side as queen if i did take crown. well i had no idea who i would want and out of the blue bud popped into my mind and i thought OMG if she said yes i would piss of all the people who gave her such a hassle over changing herself like this. so i set out to find her not as easy as i thought but i finally found a site for fighters in the s.c.a. and put feelers out on this site. took a few days before some one sent me a message asking who i was and how i knew her. i told them and that's when i got a punch in the gut. they told me that she had an brain Aneurysm and it had killed her. crushed i fell into a deep depression wept for weeks i still get misty when she pops into my mind like now. just needed to get this out by talking about it but no one i know of understands the pain i feel she came to me in my dreams and fired up old memories and i just needed to share this.

so i am done maybe we'll meet on the other side one day who knows enough for now, peace out.

'how's this for a kick in the pants

well folks new life change hit me last week. i guess you could say this started a month ago i had a pain in my leg so i went to the hospital to have it looked at. turns out easy fix pills and rest. but after all that i started to get thirsty no amount of water could stop it i drank and drank almost three quarts a day. this went on for a while until last week when i thought i was getting a cold. i wasn't feeling to hot so i did what i normally do a little nyquil and rest.

something still didn't feel right and a friend told me to head back to the hospital to have myself checked out. so, i did and after an hour or so i was pulled into the back rooms where they put me on a scale and i found i had dropped 44 lbs since mt last visit. strange that much lost in so short a time. anyway they poked and prodded at me for a few hours taking blood and testing stuff and finally they put me in the ICU and i was told i had developed type two diabetes. scared is not the word. but the docs had my attention now and i listened fully to every thing they had to say. you know what i need to do and stuff like that.

so, here i am trying to eat better walking to start out and stuff like that, problem is i live with a dude that is a junk food junky worse than i was he's not helping here i am eating light and he walks in with cheese burgers and two orders of fries the smell drove me crazy but my will to stay alive and not go blind or lose my limbs is stronger than a fast food fix.

now the docs say if i can get myself down to 225 lbs this will go away so there is my target i have friends backing me up and the will to make it so here i go.

Writer's Block: Father nature

let's see one of my fave from my grandfather was sitting on his stone porch with 5 to 6 of my buddies listening to the ball game. makes wonder what happened to that old radio he had.

as for my dad i remember spending days just hanging out but the one day that sticks out was an afternoon i was sitting watching cartoons when something on the screen caught my dad just right and he lost it. i had not heard my dad laugh that hard in my whole life. it was fun to listen to him walking around giggling about a cartoon called the talking dog.

life changing events

well let's see the first major change in my life was the night i ran away from home. OK start of this story i was a book worm nerd type kid in Jr high. and some jerks went after me just to beat up on the nerd. they made a big mistake they chased me around punching and kicking i ran until i found a janitors cart. well i grabbed a broom and broke off the head and whipped it around see i had started pretending to be a Jedi with the other nerd friends and we would do full contact fights with broom sticks and i was good at it. well i spun the stick around mentally made the sound of a light saber and lit into those guys like a mad man whacking and stabbing dropping hem left and right and as they ran away i spun the stick and sheathed in in my belt loop and then tossed it back in the cart and walked to the bus. well i got home and it seems the guys ran to the office and told them i attacked them for no reason and since it was 6 to one guess who got suspended. well i got home and my dad ordered me to my room so he could beat me well i ran away. ended up bare footed on the far side of town trying to figure out what i was going to do. i was walking past a stater brothers market and this cop pulls up thinking i was trying to rob the place and after a little song and dance this ass cuffed me and dragged me home where my dad spent the next 1/2 an hour or so beating on me till he came to his senses and realized i was just laying there not crying anymore just laying there. my mind had shut down i didn't even feel the sting of the belt anymore just a dull thud well he stopped and then the topper of the night said "now you think about that" then walked away my mom came over and started talking to me knowing my dad had gone to far told me to get up and go take a bath ((i had pissed myself)) she cleaned up the mess and i went to bed sore but made a choice i would never do anything again. i never fought back and never stood up for myself after that. you know it feels good to get this off my chest after all these years. OK second turning point in my life was back in the late 80s i had been in a group called the s.c.a for a few years and a buddy of mine made some romulin ale (( strong booze a mix of blue Curacao. vodka and ever clear)) well he had made the bottle and wax sealed the top and put it way for the weekend and forgot about it. four years later he found this dust covered bottle that had been in that dark cabinet all that time. i get this wild call took him a bit to calm down and tell me what was going on. and we decided to open this bottle a party as needed. a few phone calls later and a large group of friends and just people that showed up were together and every one got a sip of this smooth yet powerful drink. was sweet and you didn't feel the power till a little while after you drank it. well one of the ladies there had a sore back and asked me if i could help i sat her down and started to massage the shoulders and neck then the back till she relaxed and i guess got horny. she got up and dragged her girl friend into the bath room and did something naughty. i didn't hear anything but soon as they walked out the scent hit the room and every guy in the place was sniffing like a pack of dogs. this is when the fun started the lady in charge of the home and a few others started chasing off the people that would freak out when the real fun started soon it was 6 people. myself the home owner two other males and the two females that we're dating. OK from there the lady that owned the house dragged me into the bathroom and we had a little fun with her giving me a few pointers that i still used to this day. well we were interrupted by a loud knock on the door on of the guys asked if we were going to join the rest of them. we looked at each other nodded and walked out into the living room where we found the others nude and having fun so we got naked and joined in. OK the turning point was when the lady rolled me onto my back and mounted my face. i lay there pleasuring her when i felt a pair of lips take me into them soft warm and wet. but the way i was laying i couldn't see who it was i assumed it was one of the ladies. well the one on my face cam and rolled off and i was on the crest and looked down and say it was the younger of the two males pleasuring me. i freaked but it as to close to stop and i exploded and he swallowed it all well i had always thought about male on male but being raised the way i was i had it beat into my head that it was wrong and all the words i had drilled into my head as a kid came back to me and i curled up into a ball and from what my friend told me freaked so hard it took a few shakes and a slap to bring me out of it. i looked at the older guy who asked me if i was OK i said no i just broke a major rule. he said did that hurt you? i said no. did you hurt him?" again no and he said then what is the problem you enjoyed it so did he it's nature calm down this kinda opened my mind and i even pushed my limits that night with those two and mentally opened myself to being bi sexual woke up the next morning in a puppy pile two ladies one on each arm and the younger male sleep on my chest.

OK third major change in my life i had been into males for a while now a few boyfriend here and there nothing to serious but i had been feeling trapped because my family never knew and i wanted to share this with the one sister i felt i could trust big BIG mistake after i told her i aid i wanted time before i told mom and she went all gay rights on me demanding i tell my mom or she would. i wasn't ready but had no choice my coming out should be by my own mouth not my big mouthed sisters. so i got together with my mom and after a lot of hmming and uuhhhing i just bit the bullet and said mom, you will never have grand kids from me. she looked at me a little confused and i said after a deep breath mom I'm gay. i waited for the tears and the yelling i thought would happen and she said is that all i knew that from the day you were born. now it was my time to freak so i asked hr how did she know? and she dropped a bomb on me and said i wasn't born a male. jaw hit the floor i said what? and she told me that i was born a hermaphrodite but back in the 60s if you were born like this with both sets of sex organs they would make a choice based on the size of your maleness if it was larger than a certain size you were made male if smaller you were made female guess i was large enough. took me weeks to come to terms with this but it did explain why i have no problems bonding with females. also freaked out the doctors last time i was in the hospital seems for a guy i had way to many female hormones in my blood. kinda freaky huh?

so that's about it i guess just wanted to get this stuff off my chest, peace.
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